| Hey..it's Tiff again! |
[05 Jul 2008|04:27am] |
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Hey Luis, thank you SO much for writing that long journal entry! I'm glad that we were able to update one another about what's going on in our lives. I have missed seeing journal entries from you and although I know you're busy, I don't like updating the journal, and basically talking to myself, haha.
I'm not sure how long I will have the PEG tube. I have been eating by mouth what I can, but apparently it's not enough, and I need the PEG feeding tube in my stomach to suppliment what I don't eat by mouth. It's a pain in the ass, but worth it if it's going to keep me alive, I suppose. I've been kind of bad with the tube lately, though, and when I do eat, I have figured out how to suck the contents of my stomach out with a syringe. I know it's completely gross and definitely not something I should be doing, but sometimes I get really discouraged with recovery from anorexia. Right now I have gotten up to about 110 pounds when I had started out at 103 pounds before the feeding tube was placed. I hate it! They want me to get to 130 pounds which would be a "healthy weight" for my height, but I don't know if I can do it without feeling like a cow!
That would be awesome that when you're a nurse, you could be my privite nurse! Haha, too bad we don't live closer! But you seriously need to take a road trip to Alabama or I can talk to Chris about maybe getting you a plane ticket to come to Alabama to visit me for a while when you're done with school and everything! He gets discounts on plane tickets because of being in the military and I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem if you ever wanted to come visit. :o)
I remember Irma! She is doing amateur wrestiling? That's just insane! Haha, but it would be good if you could get a job there! I'll keep my fingers crossed and be praying that you will find a job somewhere after you finish school and that you don't lose your mind with school, okay?
I got you one more thing to go in your gift bag, so I'm either going to send it out today or wait until Monday when Chris goes back to work (they have a post office on base). I really hope that you like what I got you and that it makes you smile to know that I've been thinking about you! And you don't have to worry about sending me anything, unless you want to send me a letter, and that would completely brighten my day! Hehe. I love getting mail, as long as it isn't hospital bills, ugh!
Thank you for praying about me and telling your brother and Brenda about me. I really do appreciate it. I can use all the prayers I can get. Hopefully with your friendship and others, along with God's strength, I will be able to overcome this, and be well again someday!I've just got to have faith! And when I come back to visit, I want to visit your church again. Everyone was so nice to me there and I appreciated it SO much, even when I passed out down the stairs, haha! How embarrasing! *blushes*
I love you too, Luis! And I think you're also the bestest friend ever! I'm so thankful to have you in my life. Hopefully we can talk on the phone again soon. When would be a good time to call you? I know right now things are kind of hectic, but when things settle down a bit, let me know when a good time to call you would be, and we can talk more! I miss our conversations about crazy stuff! Haha!
Also, what does SPN mean behind your name? Student Practical Nurse? That's the only thing I can figure out of it, sorry if I'm way off track!
With love & hugs,
Tiffany
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| 7-3-08 |
[03 Jul 2008|11:03am] |
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Hey tiff!! Well seems like you’ve been through a lot lately!! But I know youll get through it.. just like ill get through this whole school thing in 2 months!! Lol im so excited but im still scared cuz I don’t now how good of a nurse ill be.. but im gonna try my hardest! So how long do u have to have the tube in place for?? Is it until u start eating or what? Lol
But either way.. once I become a nurse I can take care of u!! lol I can be your private nurse lol.. thatd be cool!
My cuzzin Irma.. I don’t know if u remember her.. but shes doin this amateur wrestiling thing and they want to get a nurse.. just they don’t know if they are getting an RN or LPN!! And she told them about me and how im almost done with school so im just waiting to see what they say!.. on Monday when I went to their practice this guy hit his forhead and he was bleeding all over haha.. he was ok just everyone was like shocked .. but hes good! I don’t know where im gonna start workin at tho.. it seems like everyone else already knows but I just wanna get through the school first and then pass the NCLEX exam and then find a job! This month is so hectic too.. we are booked like all month long except for a couple of days and then we have clnicals on Tuesdays class on Wednesday and Friday and then we some observations hours to do and I am startin my preceptorship on Thursday from 6-6 and its for 5 days but its scattered all throughout the month!! And then we have a TEACH test.. which is basically throwing everything we have learned throughout the year and we take it on the 23 or 24th so we have to study for that and also for the regular tests we have on Fridays!!! So I basically have no life this month! Lol but I guess its ok cuz itll be over in 2 months and then I can relax and not worry about school ever again!!! So that’s school!!
This is basically my last week to relax so tomorrow we are doin fireworks and this weekend I have to work on 2 papers and posters to go with them and then I have to do a presentation so I guess its not really gonna be relaxing time lol but its gonna be the easiest thing ill have to do in a long while!!!
As for everything else.. its all good!! Just a couple things here n there but none of it involves me directly! Lol.. if that makes any sense haha
And as for the gifts u got me.. I appreciate it!!! And nothing is too small.. it’s the thought that counts and besides.. anything I get im grateful for big or small!!! Lol so don’t worry if its just a couple of small things.. ill be really happy to get it and itll make my month haha!!! =D… and ill try to send u something as well.. and if not when u come back sometime we can go out and do something like old times lol.. except now we got chris haha.. but hes cool!
But anyhow.. im glad your home and your getting a little better.. ill continue to pray for u and you can pray for me too!!! Ill make sure to tell Brenda n my brother about u as well .. Oh.. and ppl at church ask about u all the time too.. they always ask when youll come visit again!! Lol and they say that they are also praying for u as well and they hope to see u soon!! So see.. u have a whole group of ppl who want to see u get better even if we cannot physically help u! but we all love u and we want to see u get better!
So I guess I better get to studying so I can get ahead!! And when u write back I can write u back quicker lol!!! But I love u tiff!! You’re the bestest friend ever!! Haha.. so take care and ill keep praying for u
Love Always..
Luis M. Ramirez/SPN
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[12 Jun 2008|04:41am] |
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Wow, you don't have any idea how happy I was to see that you wrote in the journal and wrote more than one sentence! I'm so proud of you, haha! ;o)
It was nice seeing you as well, I wish that you could've stayed longer, though. I really do miss you, but I will be back to Michigan again sometime in the near future, and I will let you know when I'm back, so we can meet up again. I'm really sad that I didn't get to see Jen while I was in Michigan, I hope that she wasn't mad at me because of it. But hey, if you two ever want to take a road trip, you can always come here! That would be awesome, wouldn't it?
I haven't been doing well at all lately. The anorexia has gotten the best of me and I'm at a pretty low weight. I now have a feeding tube surgically implanted in my stomach. It's not very nice, but it will only be temporary. If you want to, you can read more about it in my main journal. But here is a picture in case you're interested in seeing it (which I doubt!)..
That's my PEG tube, although it's not a very good quality picture considering it was taken with a web cam because Chris somehow dropped and broke his digital camera (we're getting a new one soon), but before that I had this in my arm..
That's also known as a PICC line, I was getting something called TPN feedings and was hooked up to a bag all the time. With my PEG tube, although it hurts more, and is a pain in the ass, I don't have to carry around a bag, I tape it up when it's not in use, and I get liquid nutrition through it 3-6 times a day depending on how much is given in one dosing.
I never thought it would get to this point, but it did..please pray for me..
My mother wouldn't mind if you came to see her at all! She just has some weird work hours. Sometimes she gets off work at like 4-5 and then other times it's not until 11 PM. So, if I were you, I would just drive by, and see if the car is in the driveway. If it is, you'll know she's home. She really likes you, though, and would have NO problem with you coming to visit sometime. You could also play with my little baby cats (they aren't so little, though, haha).
I'm sorry you made a mistake at work and got in trouble, but just try to remember that even the best of nurses DO make mistakes and get in trouble sometimes. I think it was something pretty stupid to get you into trouble over, but they're trying to make you the best LPN they can, you know? I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope that things work out for you.
Congratulations on passing finals! I'm so proud of you! Chris & I went to the zoo today and picked you up a couple gifts I thought you might like, now you can have them for celebration of passing your finals! That is amazing news! :o)
Oh, it's definitely hot here, too! It reaches about 100 degrees almost every day. Last night we had a really bad storm and it actually knocked out the power (we just got it back about an hour ago, that's why I'm updating at nearly 5 AM!). I was terrified we were going to get killed in a tornado because we have lots of them here and it was a fairly violent storm, but thankfully there were no tornado's. Just hail, rain, thunder, lightening, and lots of wind. Not having any power made it even harder to deal with! Other than that, life here is good, it's hard to get adjusted from being from the north and then moving way down south, but it's not a bad thing. I'll get used to it in time if I don't die of heat in the summer. Just think, the summer hasn't even begun! Ugh!
I've been in the hospital a lot lately and I hate it, but my doctor came out and told me that I was so malnurished that if something wasn't done, I would be dead by the time I was 20. Sometimes I think I do want to die, but I really don't, and I'm trying my hardest to fight this! I will get through this no matter what it takes! It just won't be easy and I'll need lots of support..
I should probably go lay down and get some sleep now. I'm really tired. It's nearly 5 AM and I'm still not in bed and I have a couple things that I have to do before bed. I have a doctor's appointment later this afternoon (I believe it's at 5) with my eating disorder specialist. I'm dreading it, but I know I have to go!
I hope that we can talk soon, too. It sucks that you don't have a cell phone or something, because I know that you can't call long distance on your home phone. But please write here, e-mail, message me on myspace, or comment me anytime, I always love hearing from you!
I'm glad you like Chris, too, because he thinks you're pretty cool to have put up with me for all these years! He knows you're like a brother to me and I love you to pieces! I don't know what I would do without your craziness either, although you're a bit more normal than I! Haha.
Hope to hear from you soon, I love you!
With love & hugs,
Tiffany
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| Ok!!! |
[10 Jun 2008|02:13pm] |
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Hey!! So how u been?? Me good.. just been busy!!.. well I finally got a chance to write and this time itll be more thana sentence then haha!!
So yea it was nice seeing u.. even if it was just for an hour!! I missed u! and ur fiancé is pretty cool too!! I miss goin over to ur house n stuff n hang out, that was always fun! But im just glad that your doin good and u seem happy!!
As for me, school is hard haha.. that week after u were here was the worst ever! So le tme tell u about it.. so I had this patient and he has a bunch of respiratory problems and he wet himself in the morning, so I waited till he was done eating to clean him up.. so anyways I did that and I called my brother in to help me change him cuz he cant stand up for very long.. so we did but for some reason the ppants weren’t goin up! So we layed him down and turned him from side to side and we still couldn’t get them up!!! Oh but before that I put a brief on him as well. So anyways he said just leave em ill get them up before I leave.. and I said ok.. and I asked him if he was ok.. if everything wasn’t tight or anything and he said no everything feels good! So we left . at around luunch he left to an appt. and when he came back I went in to help him get in his bed but his sister said shed rather have the regular nurse or aide do it. So then our instructor went in and talked to them and after clinical she told us that his sister told them that he was still wet and that he was freezing in the dentist office or whatever!! So I felt so bad.. but he didn’t say anything aobut it which made me even more mad!! But basically it was all my fault cuz I did everything. The only thing my brother helped me with was in turning him and helping him to stand up! So we went back for “re-training” as they called it and when we did it it was so easy! We have both done it lots of times before but this one time was a bad day I guess!! But I felt bad that whole week cuz it was something so simple and I messed it up! But anywas the next week after I was gonna go apologize but he was doing really good and he didn’t even remember any of it! So I decided not to bring it up .. but it still sucked! But im doin better now lol.. it was all l just a bad day!
So I passed finals! Im in the 4th and last quarter!! But im so scared of it! I quit my job cuz they said to keep everyday open and we aren’t getting outta school till 5 but its been 2 weeks into it and I could’ve kept my job and that annoys me so much!! I kept tryin to figure out a way to work but as how they showed it on the schedule there was noway and now come to find out there I could’ve!!! So im jobless and im not poor !! haha.. and gas prices are so high!!! And I had got extra money from sallie mae like 3000 $ but all that goes to gas, food, and car repairs!!! Which I think is pretty much BS cuz my brother isn’t doing anything!! He had the same amount of money in the beginning of the school year from his loan and he did all that except the food! I paid for food and occasionally gas which was fine cuz I worked and we split the costs!! But my brother doent get just anything from the 1 dollar menu.. he gets like a whole meal plus another burger and a side with it!!! So I spent more money on him than me!! and now im stuck payin for eeverything!!! And so far I have been spending my own hard earned money to pay for it all and I now only have 75 dollars left!! Which sux cuz im use to havin money and now I don’t!!! so yea!! And on top of all that I still have to pay some stuff that is on his credit card that he paid for me so im totally broke!!
But yea/.. that’s my life so far haha! Other than that everything’s been good so far! Sometimes I think I should quit school and work for the summer and then go back in February when the other classes 4th quarter starts! But everyone says just to finish now andthen Itll just be done with! I guess theyre right but its gonna feel like a long time!
So I was thinking I might go visit your mom sometime.. just I don’t know what time shes sleepin and what time shes drinkin lol.. do u think shed mind at all if I went to just visit for a little bit.. maybe I could invite her to church sometime! I don’t know if shed go but itd be worth a try!
So hows life in Alabama!?? Its been so hot here lately.. like up in the 80’s! its probably hotter there isn’t it? Is that why u cut ur hair!?? Lol I really like it! It looks really good on u! it makes u look older and prettier hhaa!! I cant believe it sometimes that we are 19 already!! I wish we were back in elementary again!! Those days were fun! I keep dreamin about high school and sometimes your in it ! its weird. But it would’ve been cool if u graduated with us.. although I don’t know if everything would still be the same with us keeping in contact n stuff! I barely talk to anyone from school! The only person is jen basically but shes busy sometimes! And when shes not busy im busy! Lol it’s a never ending cycle. Maybe if you had graduated with us youd be off at a different college and not be wher eu are today! But either way.. im glad we are still friends and are at least tryin to keep in contact!!
But I hope your doing good tiff! Take care of yourself and don’t give ur fiancé too much trouble!!! Lol although I think nothing that comes from u is much of a surprise anymore!! Haha.. but I guess that’s whats fun about bein around u.. ur so spontaneous !!but we all love that!! I hope we can talk soon!! And if ur ever up here again let me know! Now that I don’t work I have lots more time! At least until the school gets mor organized and figures out what exactly they are doin with all this time they need to fill up!! But whatever!! Well message me back when u got time tiff!! Sorry it took me so long! Take care and behave haha
Love Always
Luis M. Ramirez
PS
Is that long enough this time?? haha
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[19 May 2008|01:00am] |
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Hey Luis,
I thought it was about time I made another journal entry in here. I hope that after seeing this you will respond. I have really missed us being as close as we used to be, but I know that it's a lot harder now that I live in Alabama, but we can still keep in contact online and on the phone!
How are you doing? Things with me aren't well at all. I have a PICC line placed in my arm and am going to start doing TPN feedings tomorrow. I don't want this, but my weight has dropped so low and I have started to loss some functions of my body, and I know that if I don't recover from this eating disorder it is very possible that I could die before I turn 20. I'm just so thankful that I have such a great treatment team here. Even though I don't always like the things they have to say to me, they seem to care. Tomorrow I will have an in home nurse come in to set up my TPN and feedings and show me and Chris how to use it. It will be like an IV drip, but with liquid nutrion. I'm going to stay strong and keep fighting through this, I know that's what my grandma would want, especially. She's gone now, but I still don't want to let her down, you know?
So, what did you think of Chris? He's a really nice guy and he treats me well. He seemed to have really liked you. He knows that we've been friends since kindergarden and that I love you like a brother and you're one of my very best friends! :o)
Also, I changed the journal layout again since I haven't done it in a while. I hope now we can start updating this on a regular basis again, at least a couple times a week, it helps me to know that I have your support during this hell that I'm currently facing in my life.
How's school going? What are you currently working on? When you get the chance, update me. I love to hear from you. I hope that things are going well and you're taking good care of yourself.
With love & hugs,
Tiffany
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[02 Apr 2008|11:04pm] |
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HEY!! thought id post sometihn up here!! well love ya tiff!! haha.. and ill talk to u later.. call me sometime on the weekend or somethin!! <3
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[05 Jun 2007|08:27am] |
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Hey Luis, I thought I would update our journal since I just changed our layout again. I like this layout a lot and it was simple, too! :o)
How have you been doing? How's it feel not being in school? I bet that must be a weird feeling knowing that you're done with school for good.
I was going to get your graduation gift yesterday when I was at the store, but I ended up not having enough money, so it looks like I'm going to be getting it a bit later than I planned, but it would still be cool to hang out Wednesday before and after your denist appointment. I would love to see your hair!
Anyway, I should probably go, but I hope that you will update when you get the chance/feeling up to it. Take care.
Much love & hugs,
Tiffany
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[10 May 2007|02:23am] |
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Hey Luis, I just thought I would write a journal entry since it's been a while, and I have a lot to say, I guess. So much has been going on with me it's unbelivable and sometimes I wonder if it's even possible for me to be "better" and "heathy" or even in the right state of mind for that matter.
I know I'm taking major chances posting this on a public journal, but I guess I really don't care if someone reads this and judges me because obviously what is done is done and I cannot go back, sadly.
Well, anyway, to make a long story as short as I possibly can, I had tried to commit suicide on April 29th and I ended up in Herreck Hospital on the psych floor for treatment. I had cut my wrist all the way up to my elbow on my left arm and then I had a plan to hang myself until Matt called 911 (he was on the phone during some of this) and had help on it's way for me. Obviously my plan had failed once again, but I suppose that's probably a good thing, or I wouldn't be here writing about it as I am now.
There was three police officers that came to the house along with a couple paramedics and the rescue team. The police asked me a ton of questions and all I could say was "My parents hate me!" I couldn't explain to them how deeply I hurt even though I desperatly wanted someone to know.
They asked me if I would consent to treatment and go to Herreck ER and I said that I would (what other choice did I have, right?) and I was taken there by ambulence with the police following us. I sobbed the whole way and once we got there I was pretty much in hysterics and hyperventaliting. It was not a pretty picture, I'll tell you that much.
Well, after they had cleaned my cuts in the ER, and wrapped them along with taking numerous blood tests, and all that crap that comes along with a normal ER visit, they called someone from Community Mental Health to evaulate me. Thankfully the man was nice and I was a bit calmer by the time he had gotten there and I was able to express some of what I was feeling to him. He agreed that hospitalization on the psych unit was probably the best option at the time.
I was taken to the psych unit at Herreck on the third floor and I pretty much knew the routine already from having so many psych hospitalizations in the past. The staff seemed fairly nice and they gave me a sleeping pill and put me in a room with two other women.
I was pretty stobburn the whole time I was there. I had the kind of attitude like "I'm not going to eat and you can't make me!" Well, on the second day I was there they ended up tube feeding me. I've been tube fed before so I didn't think it was THAT big of a deal, but they used a hard plastic tube and it was huge, I thought I was going to die when they put it in, but I survived it.
I had the feeding tube for about a week and then I promised the doctor at that time I would try to start eating more. He told me that if I didn't they would have to put the tube back in. So, I had tried my best to eat, and had just gotten home yesterday (Tuesday, May 9th).
I met some amazing people there. Some of which I plan to keep in contact with.
But most of all, I think I've learned how badly I'm being affected by my anorexia. The fact that my heart is enlarged is showing up on the EKG now and also my heart rate is unbeliably high from it having to work so damn hard just to keep me alive each day. It's definitely a struggle. I mean, I'm only 18, and I have to take many, many medications, some of which I have to take to survive like a regular human being (like my heart medication, iron for my severe anemia, and a million different types of vitimans and that isn't even the half of it).
From this point on, I'm going to be seeing a case worker and psych doctor along with my eating disorder specialist (Dr. Rosen), and I will get a therapist, and I will start DBT group sessions. Hopefully some of this helps me out a little with the way I see myself and the way I think.
Anyway, I just thought I would give you an update. I didn't mean to write a book, but it just feels good to get some of this stuff out in the open, I suppose, and I know I can trust you.
I'm convinced that someday I might just be okay and live a semi-normal life, but that's definitely a long term goal rather than a short term one because there is no way I can even think about accomplishing that at this moment which is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
I hope that you're doing well, though. Did you end up going to after prom? If so, how did it go? Let me know how you're doing when you get the chance, I would love to hear from you.
Take care. I love you & miss you! ♥
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| New layout. |
[22 Feb 2007|11:31am] |
I decided to put up a new layout since we've had the same one for quite a while. What do you think of this layout? Let me know if you like it or don't. I thought it was cute and I know you like green and I love butterflies. :o)'
Love you! ♥
Love & hugs,
Tiffany
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| Hey! :o) |
[22 Feb 2007|06:52am] |
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Hey Luis, sounds like you've been pretty busy with work and school.
I had to take a week off school because I have a really bad pelvic infection, yeast infection, bacterial infection, and the flu. I'm on Vicodin (a pain killer) right now because my pelvis hurts SO bad, but thankfully the pain medication is helping a great deal. I'm also taking antibiotics, something to clear up the yeast infection, and I'm just sick of going to the doctor, I have been there twice this week (Monday & Tuesday) and I have to go back this Friday because my blood work came back and I'm anemic. They prescribed me iron pills to take for three months, but I had a bad reaction to them, so I have to make another appointment with the doctor and see what I can do about it.
I know, it's crazy that you'll be graduating in less than three months. I would be too if I would've stayed in regular high school, but I should be graduating within the next year or so. What's even more crazy is that in 12 days I will be 18, I'll finally be a legal adult! I'm really looking forward to it. :o)
We should definitely hang out when I start feeling better (which should be soon). Last time hanging out with you and Jen was really fun! I really loved spending time with you two!
Anyway, I should probably go before I end up writing you a book. But write back when you can. I look forward to reading the journal entries in this journal since we don't get to talk much.
Love & hugs to you! ♥
With love,
Tiffany
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| HEY!! |
[21 Feb 2007|10:52pm] |
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well tiffany.. what have u been up to!?!? me not much really... we shuld try n hang out soon.. lol... u still goin to school..?.. school for me is goin by pretty fast!! i cant believe we only got like 3 months left of high school!!! kinda scary actually!! but yea... how was your valentines.. ? mine was ok.. didnt do much but work.. we didnt have school!! but ok ill let u go now... sorry its short.. ill try n write more next time!! well take care tiff.. love ya!! -:Luis M. Ramirez:-
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[27 Jan 2007|06:41am] |
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I know I need to start eating, but it's so difficult. I've been eating a little, though, but apparently not enough. I'm at the hospital so much, I feel like I should pack my bags and move there, haha! =P
I would love to hang out with you today and take pictures with Jen's new camera. If you do call, leave me a message because we got our caller ID shut off for the time being (it'll be turned back on the 1st of next month), and I won't know who it is if you don't, and I might not pick up because a lot of bill collectors call and they're just annoying to deal with. But if I hear you on the answering machine, I'll answer. I don't believe I have any plans today.
Anyway, I should probably go and lay back down for a while, it's not even 7 AM yet, and I'm awake. But I'm so sleepy, I'm about to fall asleep typing this!
Love you! ♥
Love & hugs,
Tiffany
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[26 Jan 2007|08:13pm] |
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gosh tiffany lol well u better start eatin n doin things right so we can hang out... and not in the hospital haha!! but yea we should hang out saturday!! ill call u and see if u answer or somethin.. it'll be fun.. and we can take pics with jens new camera!! lol well ill call u tomorrow tho!! love ya Tiff......-Luis M. Ramirez
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[26 Jan 2007|06:15pm] |
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Hey, sorry we didn't get to hang out Thursday. I was actually in the hospital for medical reasons. I was admitted to Herrick Hospital after passing out and was unresponsive at a psychiatrist's office. They found that my blood pressure was really low along with some things in my blood (sugar, potassium, etc), so they admitted me and I spent two days there, and just got home today.
But I would love to hang out sometime soon. It's been a while since we've been able to hang out. I miss you & love you!
Love & hugs,
Tiffany
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| HEY!!! |
[24 Jan 2007|10:57pm] |
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hey well sorry i havent updated!! just been busy and then this internet is too slow!! but ive been good.. just workin and school and homework..other than that just here bored!! we should try to hang out soon maybe tomorrow which is thursday and i dont work!! but i just tought id update.. sorry its short but i love ya and i hope we can hang out soon!!! -Luis M. Ramirez
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| It's been a while. |
[11 Jan 2007|08:09am] |
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Wow, it's certainly been a while since either of us had written in this journal, but I thought maybe we could start writing/typing in it again as a way to keep in contact with one another since things seem to be so hectic with the both of us.
I had just gotten out of the hospital yesterday. I was in Forest View again. It started out with me going to U of M because I was passing out from not eating in five days and then they transported me to Forest View where I ended up getting tube fed and put on bed rest for about a week. After that, I slowly starting eating again, and was able to have the feeding tube removed, and then I followed this meal plan they gave me, and was taken off bed rest, and was able to go to general and eating disorder groups. There is a lot more details about everything in my journal if you're interested in reading about my stay at Forest View and such. But that's just generally what happened while I was there to sum it up for you.
I'm struggling a lot lately with my eating disorder. I see an eating disorder specialist on the 22nd if everything works out with the insurance (which I hope it does because I have worked with this doctor before and I really like him). I just am finding recovery really difficult.
Aside from that, I have been having to miss school because of my hospitalizations, but Dan (my case manager at Forest View) wrote me a note to excuse my absenses since I was in the hospital and I did get a lot of my Creative Writing work done that I'm going to have my mother stop by the school and turn in today for me. I would be going to school today, but I have an appointment with my psychiatrist at around noon today in Monroe. But other than that, school is going well, and I really enjoy most of my classes. I'm looking forward to going back on Monday! :o)
How have you been doing? How's school going? What about work? How was your Christmas and New Years? We haven't talked in so long, so update me when you get the chance. I would love to read an update from you!
Maybe we can get this journal started again and start
writing in it regularly because I miss that. I hope to see an update from you soon. I'll be checking back here.
Much love & many hugs,
Tiffany
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| hey tiff |
[05 May 2006|10:36pm] |
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hey whats up. . not much here just bored. . i just sent u a message on aol messenger so i hope u read it. . we should hang out tomorrow. . megan and me are suppose to hang out tomorrow. .dont know if jennifer would like to come . . but ill call her later. . so how r u doin? im good. . glad i didnt have to work today. . and school weas pretty easy. . so yea. .
im glad your doin good. . and im sorry too that i havent updated. . ive been busy with all this stuff and i know youve been sick. . so its all good!! i like the layout tho. . it looks good haha. . i really like it!. . but i gotta go. . srry its short. . love ya tiff take care
your friend. .
Luis M. Ramirez
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[28 Apr 2006|02:35am] |
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Hey Luis, I know it's taken me a while to update the journal and I'm sorry. I haven't been feeling the greatest as of lately. I changed our journal layout again, though. Not sure how I feel about it yet, but I can always go back and change it later if you don't like it. I thought it was kind of cool looking myself.
I had to go to the ER last night because I was in so much pain and didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. Come to find out after running about 500 tests, I had a cyst on my overy that errupted, and I have fluid in my colon. They gave me lots of pain/nausea medication and sent me home at about 3 am. I was there for quite a while. They did a lot of blood tests, a urine test, x-rays, a pelvic exam, and CAT scans. It took them so long to find a simple problem. I'm feeling a little bit better tonight, still really sore, though, and still quite a bit drugged from my nausea medication and my orignal night time medication. To top it all off, I'm on a manic high.
I know we haven't talked in a while, but remember how I told you I got a new therapist? Well, I've seen her twice now and I must say, I really like her! I have an appointment with her in the morning and I'm actually looking forward to it. She mentioned putting me in a hospital for my eating disorder and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet, but she's going to leave it up to me. I hope I make the right descion, but I think I'll wait until I'm eighteen before I go. I'm almost at a normal weight right now and I don't quite feel sick enough to be in a hospital setting. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. In fact, I feel like a fat ass, but I guess that's the problem..
How have you been doing? How's school going? Hopefully all is well. You've been in my thoughts, hopefully we can get in contact soon. Take care of yourself. I love you!
Love Always,
Tiffany
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| hello |
[27 Apr 2006|10:25pm] |
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hey tiffany. .wow thats a lot. . right now im at school so i dont have much time. . ill update again at home when i have time. . but im good just don\in some "research" haha. . but yea. . back to school and back to work today. . how fun!. . but yea the kids had a good party. . i went to chicago friday night with my aunt and just got back in time for the party but i was tired so i wetn home and slept from like 1-6. . but it was good. . hope your ok. .but i gotta go. . talk to u later. .
Love Ya. .
Luis M. Ramirez
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[15 Apr 2006|05:47am] |
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Hey Luis. I have lots to tell you. So much shit has happened, it's unbelievable.
First off, I had gotten put on this new medication (Abilify) for my Bipolar. It's a fairly new medication and it has the least side effects according to Dr. Abedi, but it's making me sicker than hell. I have been taking it for going on four days now and I have been vomiting everyday and can't keep much down. I feel horrible. =(
Yesterday morning I had an appointment with my new therapist (Karin) and we did the intake process and went over my background a little. It's too early to say if I like her or not, but I think she might be a keeper. Please pray that she is and that she'll be able to be someone I can open my heart to.
Guess who's out of jail? Yep, you guessed it, Oscar. I knew he wasn't going to be in there for much longer, but when I got the phone call that he was released all the things he did to me in the past came back and hit me like a ton of bricks. He'll be on probabtion for five years, though, and one of his probabtion rules is that he can't make any contact with me or be 500 feet near my house. I feel a little bit safer knowing that, but lately I've been terrified that he's going to come kill me. I looked at his profile and he has changed a hell of a lot, he now has a love for God, which I'm happy about, but I don't really believe. It'll probably be a matter of time and he'll be back to hurting people again. I don't know, though, because he's being forced to get sex offender treatment, and I'm hoping that that does him some good. All I can do is keep my fingers crossed for now.
I'm glad you're feeling so free. That's an amazing feeling and I wish it was a feeling the both of us would be able to expirence more often. How did you like your day off of work and school? Do anything exciting?
I hope you have fun at your cousin's baptisim. You'll have to let me know how it goes.
Your little nephews are growing up so fast. I remember when they were just tiny. They're so adorable, though. I hope the Birthday party goes well. It sounds like it'll be a lot of fun. Kids Birthday parties are the best because you can act like a kid yourself and no one looks at you like you're insane. =P
Well, that's about all I can think of at the moment. I'm glad you're doing okay. Write me back sometime when you get the chance. *hugs*
Love you!
Love & hugs,
Tiffany
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